Tonight, i compared sleeping with a woman on more than one occassion to eating school puddings. Incredible i know, and if you stay with me long enough, you'll find out how i managed this.
Firstly, let me explain why im back. After talking to some girl i know from school tonight, i was reminded of how i divulged almost all of my personal business online for pretty much anyone to read. After reading over it myself, i vomited in my mouth. Reluctantly i swallowed it back down as it was too small to make a big deal over, but yet large enough to make me boulk a second time. I was fairly impressed by the kind of physical reflex i could provoke simply by discharging my thoughts and opinions all over the net, and as i stared at my discharge through teary eyes i asked myself 'have i changed at all? have i grown? have i matured? am i still a bastard?' Thing is, i already know the answer to all of those questions; but you dont, so why dont i entertain the idea that someone will read this and let you find out for yourselves.
An incredible trait of mine is that i can talk openly and freely about my sexual roguery without care nor thought as to the repercussions. Apparently, other people share this talent of talking about my sexual roguery, however, it is done with care and deliberation specifically to create a repercussion. But that is neither here nor there. The matter i intended to discuss was my summer 05 pledge, to end all one night stands.
I was 18 years old, and had just passed through the digestive system of first year uni. Predictably, i had observed some disagreeable sites, come to grips with internal organs, passed through holes i shouldn't have, and at the end of it came out smelling like shite. I felt dirty and disgusted in myself, yet strangely proud. But at 18 i was matured man, and my decision was set in stone that no more would i allow myself to fall victum to deadliest of sins.
How did i do? Brilliantly. With a quick check of the rule book and a cheeky change of plan, i managed to avoid the one night stand, and instead, opted for the three or four night stand. It worked perfectly; but it was completely cheating. If your on a diet, you don't help yourself to a cheeky chocolate sunday, let alone two or three. I had become the Jamie Ricketts of the sex world, helping myself to sex in exactly the same way Mr Ricketts would help himself to a third or fourth bowl of custard from the school canteen. It wasn't that nice, it was fat and lumpy and there was absolutely no need to dine until he felt physically sick, but fuck it, he'd do it anyway. He didnt know the next time the menu would toss him a warm gooey mess and nor did i.
"have i changed at all? have i grown up? have i matured? Am i still a bastard?"
You can always count on me!
With Love, Your Voice
Phil Macdonald
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